I may be a sinner, but I may be justified

I sit here as a single tear drop rolls down my cheek. It seems these years have had an affect on me. All the lessons were'nt enough for the realisation im just a lonley tear drop in the ocean. You'd think a girl would learn not to put her whole heart out there. The bigger picture scares me, the facts of life disgust me. For every word i write a child dies, for every second i waste another is born. Is'nt life sick how we just replace? It scares me that one day i will be replaced. I sit back and watch and what i see frightens me. I lay down and listen and wait for silence but it never arrives. I try to stop my self from feeling but it only gets worse. Its a vicious cycle but we all must live it.

Once apon a time i couldnt see my life without you
One year gone, ive come along way,
and when we meet again i got a piece of you my friend
i carry you with me,
I stare at your headstone, they left somthing out,
It doesnt mention how much we miss you,
The pain doesnt seem to fade,
But thankfuly neigther do the memories,
But I remember every fight every crazy drunken night
i carry you with me,
to every dark and unfamiliar place,
i carry you with me,
your in my heart and in my mind, captured in memorie,
a place where friendship never dies,
a place i cherish the most.
thats where i carry you with me.

I had a dream,
I saw the ghost of my past
He made it clear that one day I'd have to
Answer for what I had done,

The choices you make
They will follow you your entire life,
You will wake up to them every morning,
They will be the last thing you see at night,
You can never undo what you have done,


I’m not a prophet and I’m not a martyr
I haven’t made any great sacrifice
I just try to carry my burdens
I keep trying to do what is right
It's hard to do right sometimes,
It’s even harder to distinguish what is wrong and what is right

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Why is a question we, people, human beings, living creatures, are frequently asked. The answer to this question is never wrong or right. That may be the beauty of it. The fact that unlike test’s we see at school, University or any other place we go to expand our knowledge, the answer is what ever you would like it to be, no right or wrong, just how ever you perceive it.
When faced with this question, every individual would come up with there own personal answer. An answer that relates to them, that they connect with.
For me, as an individual, with my own story, this question is one I ask my self each and everyday.
Some may never have asked them selves, WHY? Probably because it’s not the easiest question to ask, it’s a deep question. It can mean anything. It can be a life changing question. Some may be to afraid to ask them selves, others may never of even taken the time to stop and think.
You may be thinking, how can a one word question change our lives, how is it deep?
Well in response I ask you to think about it, why? Base it on any part of your life, and you will infact find your self questioning why in fact that part of your life is the way it is. The question may be small, but it is incomprehendabel how big it really is.
Why is the first thing I believe we should wake up and ask our selves each morning? Why am I going to work today? Why am I here? Why am I who I am? I think this small but huge question could infact save a life, or change the world.
Imagine if everyone who is sad asked them selves why? And came up with an answer, an understanding, or even better a solution. Could this one question abolish suicide? Could this one question stop terrorism? Could it make someone stop, question, and think about why they are doing what they are doing?
For such a small question, such a small word, it seems to me that it infact may be one of the most powerful weapons we can arm our selves with.
To you I ask, not why, but why not?

This world never seizes to amaze me. Sometimes I feel so lonely, yet I’m surrounded by noise and chaos. Hundreds of people going about there day not one of them looks at me, or notices I’m there. Thousands of thoughts race through my head. I’ve always been a curious person, I’ve always had lots of questions, and I’ve always felt a lot.
Sometimes I think I feel lonely only relies that there’s probably a billion people feeling the exact same thing at the exact same time in this world.
Isn’t it strange that we can feel so alone in a world full of people?
That we can feel so lost, when there has to be a greater reason to why we are here. There are always a million things racing through my head. Why am I the way I am? What is my purpose? Why do things happen to me that I cannot control? Why I am I even writing this. There has to be answers. Everything happens for a reason. People can’t be born only to grow old and die. Everyone has a destiny right? How do you figure out what yours is? My brother always told me as a child to always take time to notice what you’re drawn to. And when the same thing keeps coming up, that’s what you’re meant to do. I find I’m always drawn to people, lots of different types of people, males, females, different races, different colors’, different sexual orientations, it really doesn’t bother me, as long as you don’t judge me, and as long as you love to talk and listen. I find that I’m constantly helping people, and I love it, I thrive on it. Just the other day I was having a beer waiting for my friends down at the pub, and a 60 year old lady sat next to me, she didn’t say anything, she just sat down, I introduced my self, and we began talking, we spoke for over an hour, she told me her life story, I just listened, she cried, she laughed and she cried again, all the while I just sat there and listened to this lonely old soul. I hailed her a taxi and she went home with a smile on her face, and I went on with my night and played pool with my friends. But I come to this same point each time I think of what I’m meant to do, I want to help people, yes, but I’m not that simple, I want to do more. My heroes are, Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King. They each have changed this world for the better. If I could achieve half the peace they brought into this world id be happy. But the problem is how can I achieve something so much greater then me, am I capable. How can I help people heal when I haven’t even healed my self?

so i just got home from an awesome day with nati, she finished work at 11am, we went to olympic park did a clue hunt thing through the heritage area part of sydney olympic park, i learnt a fair bit, then we went on a tandom bike ride through bicentenial park, had alot of laughs and almost ran over a few 100 people, and almost crashed into the water. Then we went to her house with her sisters and had dinner, and then went for a few quiet drinks at our local pub. A good start to hopefuly s good month.

On a different note ive been reading a book about the african president, and what a disgraceful man he is! Makes me sicker each time i find out a new and horrific way h treats his people.

first post, i feel like i should say somthing exciting or interesting.... but really i only signed up to this because i had nothing else to do coz ive been up for the past 24 hours. not really sure what im suppose to do in this thing...well its a journal so i guess ill say what i have done today....or what im going to do.....im meeting up with my girl shortly......n then we dont no what were doing......probably go see a movie or somthing.... i spose i could tell u somthing about me.....im 21...from australia....love meeting new people....im studying to be a youth worker, then plan to further my studies and become a psych...i play soccer on the weekend's with some close friends in a local comp, i grew up in the country and i miss my family and friends dearly. Im a very emotional person, and i love meeting new people!
 

i look forward to doing this again it was fun!

xx